5 Ways to Work Your Shadow

Blessed be Wildlings! Today's edition of Den Craft is going to discuss the Shadow, or the aspects of self that Carl Jung defined as those aspects about ourselves which we avoid, dislike, or shun. In a broader sense among the spiritual community, shadow work also includes the aspects of our physical reality that are undesirable or negative.

While learning to be more positive and emphasis on the good in our lives is very important to spiritual growth, so, to, is working on those things which aren't as admirable or advantageous to us. Imagine life as if it were a painting, and all the good in the world the color. If the "bad" or the "shadow," were the black paint, and it were suddenly to vanish from the painting, the image created would not be as beautiful, in depth, or full of life. Too much black, and suddenly the details, meaning, and vibrancy of the overall piece are lost. Integrating and using the shadows in the canvas of our soul is a very important part of finding true balance, and shadow work is a good way to learn how to use it.

If you have been being called to do shadow work, or are just interested in some ways to approach it when you are, read on! Shadow work is great for anyone looking to end negative patterns being brought about by their own behavior, and is something I especially encourage all "light workers" or self proclaimed healers take a lot of time working through. I will be delving into some of my personal shadow work tools, and giving insights into how I personally address my own shadows, to hopefully give each of you the inspiration to begin the deep cleaning of your darker aspects. Let's get started!

1. Insecurities and Fears

Things that make us feel afraid or a lack of confidence around our self are key energies to look into when trying to identify and work with our shadow. While it may seem counter intuitive to focus in on things that make us feel so unpleasant or unsure, the presence of fear or anxiety indicates that there is something of value at the heart of whatever is rousing these fears or insecurities.

When you identify that you are feeling afraid or without power, take a moment to ask yourself some questions about it. What about this is scary, or makes me feel unsure? Why is this frightening? Why is this overwhelming to me? Often times, as we ask ourselves these stream of focused questions around these negative emotions, truths about our core beliefs or true self are revealed.

For example, let's use the common insecurity of not being seen and valued by those we love and personally value. When experiencing this insecurity myself, I allow myself to feel it and sit with it. I ask myself, "why do I feel insecure around these people?"

My current answer to this question is that I most often do not feel safe being vulnerable around others. Why don't I feel safe? I would ask next. Sometimes, the answer to this question is that the people I don't feel safe around have previously reacted to me in a way that was dismissive and hurtful. Sometimes the answer is that I am unsure of my ability or skill among this group of peers. Other times, it is that I am afraid they have hidden motives that are not in my best interests.

All three of these potential answers have different things I can work on in them. If I am associating with people who are hurtful, I need to communicate that, or end the relationship. If I am unsure of my skills or knowledge, I can improve or brush up on those skills while also providing my current skills and knowledge. If I am afraid of the motives of other people, I analyze more deeply if this is a gut or intuitive knowing of someone's nefarious nature, or if it is just my ego projecting past patterns and situations onto this new one. If they really are causing red flags to go up, I consider no longer associating with them. However, if my ego is in fact projecting this fear onto other people, what about this pattern or situation is triggering? How can I actively face these feelings with the knowledge of their source? And, most importantly, what is the source of, and how can I resolve this inner wound, so that I am no longer projecting this fear onto undeserving people?

Your answer and question stream may vary greatly, but as you can see from mine, asking your emotions about themselves very quickly yields results. The hard part is remembering and finding the will to pause and ask!

2. Negative Feelings About the World and Others

During the tumultuous and historically chaotic current times, especially, the state of the world around us, and how it makes us feel, is a great place to do some shadow work. By facing and analyzing the things in the media and the world around us that make us feel frustrated, sorrowful, angry, powerless, or any other less than pleasant emotion, we can reveal core truths about ourselves, including how we view the world, and how we can become more integrated and effective within it.

One of my personal frustrations in the modern world is the lack of honest and kind communication and trust within the community that I see around me. While I can reach outside of myself for a lot of the answers as to why this is happening (capitalism, fear of seeming other, stress, and lack of time, to name just a few), that's not what shadow work is about, is it? So, I instead look at myself: my own honest and kind communication, as well as how much I trust my immediate community, and, guess what? There are things to be desired.

I often keep my negative feelings to myself or tell things in the most positive light possible, worried about burdening others or disturbing their peace with my lack of it, or perhaps even offending them with my perspective. I imagine they do the same for those they love and respect, too. This, however, makes me feel alone and isolated, which, you guessed it, perpetuates the lack of open and honest communication in the world that I'm so frustrated with. If I want others to be truthful and open about how they perceive the world, I can create more of this energy in the universal flow by simply being more open and truthful.

Another example is anger or frustration being roused by people or energies outside our control. Whenever we find ourselves triggered into a state of anger or frustration, we should analyze further why it is we feel that way. Honoring and seeing our anger is an important tool in defending ourselves from manipulative people, and also a very key way to help reduce and balance our ego. By facing and working through things that can potentially trigger us, we become less easy to trigger, and create less anger and frustration in ourselves and others around us when they come to us (or we to them) with difficult conversations or hard to manage energies.

Doing shadow work has really made me analyze and think about how I interact with the world around me, and my small personal impact on the greater reality. It is very easy (and essentially pointless, if you've tried it) to look out at the world around us and expect it to change or get better. It is much more difficult, but effective, to change and heal those flaws within ourselves - especially if we aren't doing the shadow work to identify them, in the first place!

3. Repressed or Unmet Needs and Desires

That parts of us that we keep ourselves from indulging in or fully embracing are also important aspects of shadow work. This can include a wide variety of things, from sensual pleasures, to elaborately decorated cakes, to dream jobs, to fantasy vacations: if you feel a longing within your soul that you are denying, you are encountering a shadow work moment.

It is almost always a good idea to indulge our soul's desires. There are, of course, times when we must choose mature and responsible behavior over impulses or desires, or are forced to set aside one desire for another, due to the limited nature of time. There are also some needs and desires that are socially unacceptable, or that would be incredibly harmful to others or ourselves. What I mean here are perfectly attainable and accessible needs, impulses, and desires that you and I actively deny ourselves - for whatever reason we are choosing to do that.

Whenever you feel a genuine need or desire, and then promptly push it away, focus in on two things. First, locate and define the source of need or desire. Whatever this is, know that you desire this for a genuine reason. Respect and allow space for your emotional truth, and observe the desire or unmet need without judgement as best as you can. Secondly, ask yourself why it is that you believe you cannot have or should not want that need or desire. Can you really not have it for moral or safety reasons? Does this need or desire truly make you a "bad" person? Is there some greater real world barrier or obstacle that must be overcome first, or are you simply denying it out of fear or shame? Why do you hold that moral value or safety belief around this? What about this inspires fear and shame?

While it can be painful, humbling, or uncomfortable, deeper questioning of our needs and desires, especially those we feel uncomfortable confronting or facing, help teach deeper truths about our self, and what needs or requires work and change so that we can continue to become more healthy and authentic versions of our true selves.

4. Secrets and Shame

Secrets and shame are very strongly correlated to repressed desires and needs, but aren't quite the same thing. This is because we can still be ashamed of a desire, even as we act on it, and that shame may make us say or behave in ways that are hurtful, secretive, or untruthful.

When we experience shame or are harboring a secret, like with all emotions and thoughts, we should embrace and sit with it. What about this moment is shameful? Why should this be secret?

Sometimes the answer is obvious: this is shameful or secret because something about this is morally wrong. We are not being kind or loving with this stance or feeling. Because of the massive social changes ongoing around us, this sort of shadow is something I"m coming up on quite often: aspects of my education and belief structure that do not align with my greater moral values and higher truths. It is important to allow yourself to see the flaw in your morality for what it is. It is then best to do whatever possible to change and heal from this flawed stance. This usually involves making real world changes and actively adjusting our behavior to eliminate these flawed foundations from how we interact with ourselves and others.

Other times, however, the moral is not so clear. Emily Dickinson, for example, kept much of her poetry secret from those around her. This was not because they were truly immoral, but because she was afraid what others would think of her work, and her as a person, due to the very personal and intimate nature of the pieces she wrote. Her confidence was also very likely heavily affected by the social stance of the world around her, which actively barred women's work from being published in the literary magazines of the time.

Whatever the source of the shame or the reason for the secrets we keep, it is important to carefully analyze them whenever we notice them in our immediate emotional reality. Shame and secrecy almost always reveal important and clarifying truths about who we are, and, from my experience, very often contain the very core pieces of who we are.

5. Unpleasant or Intentionally Avoided Memories

We all have at least one memory that we don't like thinking about, but, for whatever reason, can still clearly recall and remember in its entirety. While these memories may make your stomach become a cold, hollow pit, there is something very important to be gained from them.

As I work through unpleasant memories, I try not to focus too much on the details or physical aspects of the memory. I pay attention, primarily, to the way the memories make me feel, when, and what is going on in the memory at that time. I also pay attention to others emotions, and what seems to trigger them (as far as I can tell). For some, because of the nature of all that is going on in them, it can take quite a few replays for me to collect all of the emotions and triggers for those emotions from a memory.

As each emotion and trigger reveals itself, I write it down. Once I'm pretty sure I have them all, I sit back and analyze what my emotions in these memories are telling me. Like most of shadow work so far, this is just asking questions around what I know my emotions were. Why did I feel disrespected? How was I disrespectful? What were my intentions, and how did that effect my emotions around the actual outcome?

This process can help identify emotional and physical triggers that may potentially come up for you later on, but can also help identify ways that we can work through these triggers so as not to experience them as often in the future.

I especially like working with memories in regards to shadow work because it is done in past tense. While other forms of shadow work require that we remain present and aware of our emotions in the active moment, memory work allows us to look back on an already completed moment. For those just starting out on the task of shadow work and self analysis, just starting out on their emotional recovery from toxic abuse or behavior, or for people who are often heavily affected by the emotions or moods of those around them, being able to sit down in a quiet and independent space to work through their emotions is very beneficial.

Some closing words...

Shadow work only works if we integrate and act on what we learn while doing the shadow work. It is one thing to become fully aware of our shadow aspects, and how they effect us and the world around us, and another thing all together to seek growth and healing of those aspects. A healthy shadow is an integrated shadow, and an integrated shadow is one that is giving and taking from the aspects of light within us. It is possibly one of the more difficult aspects of spiritual living: learning to see and wield the darkness we cast with as much grace and power as we do our light.

Please be gentle and loving with yourself as you do this work! Looking into the negative aspects of ourselves, even through the mirror of the outside world, can be brutal and heavy work. Be sure to monitor your active emotions as you work through the darker aspects of yourself, and seek encouragement and inspiration from those around you if you need to. Take time to praise and honor the better you that you are becoming! We are all so proud of you.