Honesty: Talking About the Truth Isn't Gossiping

Blessings Wildlings! It's been a while since I've been inspired with the writing bug, but I've been having a reflective week, and day especially. It's brought about one of the more difficult lessons I have gained and am continuing to study up on: how to discuss my emotional, spiritual, and real world truth without feeling guilty about how that discussion reflects on the other characters in the story.

Being honest can sometimes feel like we're spreading negative energy around. That's not always the case, though. Very often, our negative conversations are based on very real and present energies, and making sure that we clean up and deal with those problems is important in finding a happy and healthy life. We can clean up and heal negative things by talking about them. It can be hard knowing if we're just talking or doing healing, though!

As a child, I grew up in a household with a a parent who deflected their own personal flaws and issues in life onto others in a pretty consistent manner. It also wasn't uncommon for gas lighting or purely manipulative and untrue accusations to surface, either. While this was good for a number of reasons, namely in teaching me self awareness, and that others may not always be as kind to me behind my back as they were to my face, it was also pretty difficult to endure and develop in. It taught me to inherently distrust others in many ways. It also made me hyper conscientious about how I presented my truth. This combination of energies ultimately led to me doing a whole lot to bend or modify truth so that it was less likely to cause hurt to myself or others.

Who do I speak the truth to, if I can't truth myself or others? Am I being cruel or passing my own flaws onto others? Did it really happen that way, in the first place? Are my feelings valid? These are all common questions I used to deal with A LOT, and still face from time to time. But the more firmly I understand the truth of my experience and who I am, the less often I face these challenges.

One of the biggest issues for me is in finding a comfortable place to discuss traumatic or abusive situations in the past, especially those involving people in my present (with the more I care about them making it that much harder), without feeling like I am talking badly about those people and situations. Did what happen make me feel bad? Yes. Was it bad? Yes. Then why do I feel bad expressing those feelings?

Others often expect and desire positivity from us, especially in the case of naturally cheerful people. Expressing negativity is often poorly received, even from kind people, because, well, it's negative! Being highly empathetic makes this reaction pretty obvious to me. I can literally feel their soul groan! It really helps me to remember in this moment previous times when this person and I have come to each other to air grievances and share less than savory feelings. Having a safe space to set out and organize the heavy things that weigh us down, and being a safe space for such things, feels really good, and makes it much easier to pick everything up that should still be carried on.

The fear that I'm not being actually truthful, but just being petty, or gossiping, is also present pretty often. Am I just being bitter and holding onto the past and a bad moment? Should I let this go? Is it my business to discuss? Or are my feelings truly valid? Of course I feel them, but, do I actually have the right? Monitoring my emotions is helpful, but it doesn't always ease my concern that I am falling into bad behaviors. A good way to settle out this worry is to ask myself if whatever or whoever has caused me to feel negatively had a valid or reasonable reason to make me feel that way. While being careful to not dismiss my present feelings, but instead sitting with them in analysis, this question can provide a solid basis to work from. This reflection allows us to process our feelings while also viewing the other person as they are. It always helps to validate my feelings as real, and can very often provide a means to open up a discussion with the other person about my feelings that doesn't feel so one sided and full of blame. If there truly was not a good reason for them to provoke these negative feelings in me, or this person or thing keeps making me feel this way, I also know that I maybe need to take steps to separate myself from that energy or space.

Lastly, people don't want to hear negative things about themselves or people and things they love! Its scary to open up these conversations for us, for the same reason. What if we did wrong, too? What if the conversation spirals into a negative void from which there is no return? It's very possible that our feelings and perspective will not be well received, or even seen and believed. The important thing that I try to remember at this time is to be kind to myself. I cannot control what other people are going to do, or change what they have done. What I can do is take the proper steps to make sure that I am holding space for myself in the present, so that I don't have to carry unnecessary burdens or problems into the future with me. If I desire others to be truthful and to hold space for honesty in their lives, I must first hold that space for myself. It is much more difficult for others to convince me of their lies and manipulations, or for illusions to take hold over my perspective, if I am working from a center of inner truth and balance.

Cleaning up and mending our negative feelings or life experiences so that we can move forward more whole and happy requires spreading a bit of crap, so to speak. It's only by laying it out and really getting to the bottom of things that we're able to clear them up. While we certainly shouldn't be going around telling everyone our problems, we can still take up space to deal with negative energy, especially if we were not the ones to create the mess in the first place. Creating art, journaling, and sharing our stories or feelings with a friend, loved one, or necessary person can be incredibly beneficial to help sort out our feelings and inner boxes of memories!

How do you face your fear of being perceived as negative while speaking your truth? What ways do you face your truth to analyze it in a safe space? What is the difference between being honest and being petty, to you?